How to Fight Spiritual Warfare in Marriage
Jun 22, 2026Summary
Have you ever looked at your spouse during a heated argument and thought, “We are on the same team, so why does it feel like we are constantly at war?” When frustration builds and emotional retaliation begins, you might be wondering exactly how to fight spiritual warfare in marriage. You are in the right place!
In this episode of the Arise, Women of God podcast, host Tamara K. Anderson is joined by heart-centered life coach Bonnie R.A. Randall to uncover the invisible battles happening in your relationship. The adversary actively targets marriages to destroy unity, often using our past traumas and childhood wounds as "chinks in our armor" to trigger massive conflicts. But your spouse is not the enemy!
We break down three critical pillars to protect your relationship. First, we explore the "Three-Way Covenant" and why bringing Jesus Christ into your marriage as the third cord completely changes your stability. Second, we uncover how to spot the enemy's triggers before they escalate. Finally, we share surprising practical fortifications—like hydration, sleep, and nutrition—that block the enemy's physical access to your emotions.
Tune in to learn how to look past the physical frustration, stop the cycle of retaliation, and build a combined perimeter to safeguard your marriage with God’s help today!
Questions to Ask God in the Midst of a Marital Battle
When you feel triggered by your spouse and recognize that the adversary is trying to cause friction, Bonnie recommends pausing and asking God these specific questions to instantly shift your perspective:
- "Jesus, what is the truth in this moment?"
- "What is really happening here? Is my spouse really being a jerk, or are they just really tired?"
- "Help me see things through your eyes and through the eyes of compassion."
- "Why am I feeling this way? Why am I being triggered?"
- "Help me remember, recall, and heal that wound."
Episode Takeaways
- Your Spouse is NOT the Enemy: The adversary uses past baggage, trauma, and vulnerabilities as "chinks in your armor." When you are triggered, it is often the enemy digging into a past wound, not just your spouse being difficult.
- The Three-Way Covenant: Marriage is not just a contract between a man and a woman. You must bring the ultimate Bridegroom, Jesus Christ, into your relationship to create a "threefold cord" that is not easily broken.
- Physical Fortification is Spiritual Defense: Sometimes the answer to a spiritual attack is highly practical. God often uses basic physical adjustments—like drinking water, eating, and getting enough sleep—to block the enemy's access to your emotions.
- Pause and Pivot: You have a choice in the middle of a conflict. You can either listen to the adversary's lies and retaliate, or you can pause, turn to Christ, and ask Him to reveal the truth of the situation through the eyes of compassion.
Free Resources
Ready to learn how to self-regulate your nervous system and stop the enemy's triggers from entering your home? Get our free A Mother's Spiritual Defense Guide: 6 Empowering Steps to Fortify Home & Family downloadable PDF here: https://www.womenwarriorsoflight.com/A-Mothers-Spiritual-Defense-Guide
Reflection Questions
- When was the last time you realized a heated argument was actually a spiritual attack capitalizing on an old emotional trigger?
- Is Jesus actively the "third cord" in your marriage right now? How can you and your spouse invite Him into your daily routine?
- Look at your basic physical needs (sleep, hydration, nutrition). Are there physical vulnerabilities right now that the adversary is using to make you or your spouse more irritable?
Host & Guest
Tamara K. Anderson @tamarakanderson
Bonnie Randall @bonnie.randall
Transcript
Tamara K. Anderson
00:00:00.640 - 00:03:00.820
Hey my friend, have you ever wondered how to fight spiritual warfare in marriage? Because you've looked at your spouse during a heated argument and thought, we technically are on the same team.
But why does it sometimes feel like we're constantly at war?
But I want you to know you're in the right place and by the end of today's episode, you will know how to look past the physical frustration, stop the cycle of emotional retaliation, and build a combined perimeter to protect your relationship with God's help. Stay tuned. Ordinary Women Extraordinary Faith When God calls, we say yes. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Arise Women of God podcast.
I'm your host, Tamara K. Anderson, and today I am so excited to be joined by speaker and heart centered Life coach Bonnie Randall as we dive deeply into how to fight spiritual warfare in marriage.
When you're trying to navigate the front lines of your relationship, you have to realize that the adversary targets marriages because the adversary is all about destroying unity, whether that's between Christ and his church or between a man and his wife. To help you and your spouse stand together instead of tearing each other down. We are breaking down three critical pillars today.
First is the three way covenant, why your marriage is not just a two person contract and how bringing Christ in as the third cord completely changes your stability. Number two, the chinks in the armor.
How the adversary strategically hunts for your past individual baggage and childhood wounds to use them as levers for conflict.
And third, the practical fortification, the surprising physical everyday adjustments that God uses to build your physical stamina and block the enemy's access. But first, let's dive into the three way covenant and then talk about the chinks and the armor.
So let's dive into Ephesians 4:12 where the Scriptures teach us this powerful principle. Ephesians if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him, and a threefold cord is not easily broken.
I love this verse because it teaches us to build an unyielding cord. When you have Jesus paired with you, it makes it so much better.
In Genesis chapter 2, verse 24, a husband and wife are called to be one flesh, and the adversary hates that unity. We first have to start by realizing who the true enemy is.
Bonnie is now going to share how she and her husband had to learn this firsthand right at the beginning of their marriage.
Bonnie Randall
00:03:01.380 - 00:09:55.860
My husband is not the enemy. I am not his enemy. We are not at war with each other.
However, it can definitely feel that way when the adversary steps in and uses our past trauma or past wounds or things that each Other has said to trigger one another to create what feels like friction and battles between us. We have been married about 16 years and in the beginning of our marriage we actually went to therapy in the very beginning.
I think we'd only been married for a couple of months when we started to see that things were not quite going so well. It went okay. The therapist was a wonderful man of God. He helped us really see that needed to make a three way covenant with our spouse and God.
That marriage is not just between a man and a woman, but that marriage. We also need to bring in the ultimate bridegroom, right? We need to bring in Jesus Christ into this marriage.
And if we didn't have that partnership with him, the entire thing would fall apart.
And so we started to really try to do scripture study and do different things with each other and praying and praying for each other and things like that. And that definitely helped, however, because life is life.
And as you know, being married, you don't just come into a marriage with a clean slate, you come into a marriage with baggage. And we all have it. We all have past wounds, past traumas, past challenges that we have been through.
And Satan's favorite tactic is in spiritual warfare is to use those past traumas, those weaknesses, as he sees those things as chinks in our armor. And so he goes after those weaknesses and he likes to dig in them. And that feels like a trigger.
It feels like your spouse saying something inappropriate, but because you've had a hard day or, or because that thing references something that you are vulnerable about and have been since you were a little girl, it triggers you and you get all upset and then you say something nasty back and then that triggers them because of course you're going to go after their weakness, right? Because that's just what we do. And then they fight back and then ensues the war, ensues the battle. So what do we do?
Well, one, we recognize that my spouse is not the enemy. The enemy is coming in in this moment. He is attacking me and going at my weakest, most vulnerable thing. Two, recognizing that I have a choice now.
I have a decision to make. I have power over this moment.
I can either listen to the adversary and take what he is feeding in this ear and believe it and internalize it and hold to it, which by the way, then creates those flax and cords that the Bible talks about and creates those chains that carefully drag us down the hill, right by listening to that. That's how that cord is created. Or I can recognize it and say, oh, Nope. That is a falsehood. That is a lie.
I can tell that you are just trying to get at me. And so now I'm going to turn to Christ and I'm going to say, jesus, what is the truth in this moment? What is really happening here?
Is my spouse really being a jerk? Or are they just really tired from having a really long day at work?
Or maybe being up all night because they were feeding the baby for me or whatever it is, right? Like, what's really going on? Help me see things through your eyes and through the eyes of compassion. Why am I feeling this way?
Why am I being triggered? Help me remember and recall and heal that wound.
One of the important things to mention here is fortification, that when we do this, we have the opportunity to fortify ourselves against the adversary. Think back into biblical times, when they had cities, right? What did their cities look like? The main city always had a wall around it, right?
They had fortifications. They had watchtowers. They had guards at the doors and things like that. We need to do those things within our marriage.
We need to have boundaries that keep our marriage safe. We need to have boundaries that keep our individuals safe. We need to have watch guards, guards against the adversary and recognize those.
So what do some of those fortifications look like? Like, obviously reading the Bible, saying your prayers, right?
Including Jesus in as one of those watch cards and up on the tower so that he can alert us when things are coming, right? The Holy Spirit being one of those, right? Calling in on your angels to help and be those guardians of the fortification.
Those are some of the obvious, okay? But let's talk about some of the less obvious. Having enough to eat during the day, drinking water, exercise. You guys, those three things.
I cannot even tell you how many times when I have gone to the Lord in prayer and said, what do I need to do to combat Satan? Right now, in this moment, I'm feeling overwhelmed. He tells me to go get a drink of water, or he tells me to go get some electrolytes.
Or he says, hey, you didn't sleep last night. You should maybe go take a nap because you're being pretty cranky. Those are surprising answers.
You would think he would say, go open your Bible and reread Ephesians or whatever it is, recite this prayer, right? That would be the normal thing that you would expect Jesus to say, but oftentimes the answer really is a little more practical and more physical.
When we are fighting a spiritual war, he attacks us also physically. So if our physical elements are weak, it means that our spiritual is more weak.
Tamara K. Anderson
00:09:56.340 - 00:11:56.570
Oh my goodness, you guys. Realizing that a spiritual war requires both spiritual armor and physical health changes the entire climate of your relationship.
You don't have to stay stuck in a loop of constant friction. You can stand guard together and when you have Jesus paired with you, oh, it makes it so much better.
I know at the times when my husband and I have also struggled in our marriage, especially with the strain of special needs kids and not sleeping for many years, that it was us putting God first and our relationship with each other second that helped us get through those difficult years. And committing to go on regular dates also saved us in a lot of ways too.
I have a great resource I want to share with you before you leave today and it will systematically help you build those watchtowers and close the physical entry point in your household. And guess what? It's a free download just for you.
You can get our Mother's Spiritual Defense Guide 6 Empowering Steps to 4 Fortify Home and Family free at the link below. Once you download your copy, open directly to step number two, the Catalyst Principle.
Read through the emotional boundaries lay out to help you learn to self regulate your own nervous system during a marital disagreement so that you can stop the enemy's triggers before they enter your home. You, my friend, can reclaim your sanctuary. God loves you. He will guide you as you work together to fortify your home and your marriage.
With Jesus by your side, stand with him and by him and until next time, may you arise. Do it God's way. God Strong. If today's episode helped you feel a little closer to God, please like and subscribe.
It helps us grow and ensures heaven's whispers stay at the top of your feed whenever you need them most.
